The Call to Rest

Few minutes ago, I wanted to burst crying. I have always loved creating – but today, I am called to rest and the best thing for me to do now is do nothing due to nerve pains I’m having in my right arm.

Oh, what an ache. I love resting and that means to me a time to just be in the presence of Abba Father. But this ‘call to rest’ aches me.

For how long? How can I be productive? How can I create? How can I explore and grow more with the things I can do? Will my case worsen? Will I be fine soon? What have I done wrong that this happened to me?

Too many thoughts. My heart aches more than how my right arm does. I find it painful to think that the very hand I use for creatives is the very hand that now hurts, the very hand I have to rest. Sure, it’s a ‘good investment’ to take care of my arm – that I may fulfill the future dreams, goals and purposes I have. But what does this season got to say to me? What’s more to rest?

Hard thought hit me. Maybe I am not integrated fully yet to what it means to just rest in His presence and do nothing. The call to rest and to do battles within me.

 

The Philippines, as of this writing, is under an extended lockdown due to a pandemic. 29 days and counting – it pains me to have so much time but I am required to do “just enough” with my right hand, or do nothing at all. The thought that doing nothing brought me pain made me think that there is something in my heart that needs to “rest and let go” in God’s presence.

I am writing and sharing this because you might have your own “call to rest”. It can be high-risk pregnancy, it can be a health condition, it can be this lockdown, or it can be any kind of a season or situation you are in where you are called to just rest.

 

Rest vs. Passivity

I thought I know already how to rest in His presence. I sure love those intimate times with God – no prayer points, no other agendas but just being with Him, sitting near Him, looking unto His eyes while those very eyes are gazing at me, and just feeling our exchanges of love to one another. How beautiful.

But the other side of me is consumed with the ‘to do’s’.

LORD, I know this too is important. LORD, what should I do? LORD, what are You doing? I want to know so I can be a part of it. LORD, what do You want me to accomplish? What’s our next mission? Look, LORD, I have so much time! What do You want me to do? I want to be productive …

I wanted to always seek God’s heart and know what He is doing – so I can be a part of it. Nothing wrong with that, yes. But I bet you know what happens when you seek the LORD’s heart. His presence is very very very very good that it exposes our blemishes. Never condemning, very loving. In seeking His heart, I have seen mine.

He gently showed me that in this certain seeking, I was seeking “things I can do” that I have forgotten how it is to really look unto His heart. I found I was seeking a task more than a heart. I found I was seeking plans, goals, purposes, identity. I found I was seeking His heart for a mission so “I can do something and not be passive.”

I am again being a worker, not a daughter. I am again doing, not being, not resting. When I thought I knew resting already, I actually do not. Resting is not a task to do, it is a presence to enjoy. It is not knowing how to do it. It is “to just be”.

We Christians always think “we’ve got to do something”. That’s okay. That’s a good sign of initiative. And that is true, we have a mission. But I am worried that when we are given time, rest is “not the most Christian thing” to do. I am afraid that when we just do and do and do, we are hitting wrong targets because in the first place we have not tasted rest in His presence.

Rest is powerful. Rest declares our security that we are beloved sons and daughters of our Abba Father who works all things for us and who fights the battles for us. Rest declares that He is God. Rest is our surrender to His lordship, our ‘letting go’ of everything unto His hands. Rest prunes and builds our trust in Him and our patience. Rest is enjoying God.

Christians, our mission is love. And Christ’s mission in us is love. Receive and be filled. Receiving love from God and loving Him back is the most Christian thing to do. And even if we are called to actually do a task, if our hearts are rested on Him, there would be peace as we do it and there would be no striving. Rested hearts are souls that are still even as we work.

And oh, God’s gentle whisper, “When is resting in My Presence a passivity?”

 

Resting: “A Hard Thing To Do”

Some would have a hard time resting. Entering the phase of “not doing anything” can be very uneasy or stressful. The act of just being still for few consecutive minutes can be unattainable for others. Why is rest a hard thing to do? Mainly because resting and being still reveals issues of the heart.

Some fill themselves with tasks. They identify who they are with what they do. People usually associate worth with achievements or attained goals. That’s why, when called to “do nothing”, their greatest question would be, “Who am I now?”

Others do not want to be still because they want to detach from their pressing pain, whether consciously or subconsciously. It can be any kinds of their chosen activity, can be work, can be food or relationships or anything that they could patch their pain with. Silence would mean pain. Silence would be depressing. Silence would be very uneasy. If these patches be taken away from them, they would feel exposed wanting to be covered up and hidden again.

The inability to rest is a sign of a deep foundational (parental) wound, too. A mother’s delight in knowing about her pregnancy with you would speak volumes to your soul. In the same way, when a mother is deeply sad and not prepared about your coming, it would impact your being. Wounds from the womb (and up to the formative years of a child) could have made our souls feel unwelcomed, unwanted or have no place to stay in. And even with the years passing, we would carry that in our soul and affect every way we feel about ourselves.

In the quiet, our hearts would speak. It would be painful. It might expose what we have tried to put up with just to secure ourselves or shut down our pain. When we are not doing anything and we are just present with ourselves, we will know the status of our hearts. Our hearts long to be heard. It would cry out pain. It would speak also of its desires and hopes. Let us not be afraid to feel our hearts. Listening to yourself would bring integration. Yes it may be painful, but it would be beautiful, too. And remember, in the quiet, God also speaks. Isn’t it a good time to bring to God the cares of your heart?

Resting heals the disintegrated (wounded) parts of our hearts. As we rest, we slowly set ourselves apart from work and have a real identity, we get to be connected with our hearts and we heal by slowly having a “place” to just be. Only through healing with Jesus could we ever really be free from the wounds of our soul.

 

Communing about ‘rest’ with Him, I learned:

When we rest, we integrate with our real identity. Our identity does not come from our job title or productive ministry or financial status or from any of the works of our hands. Resting reveals our identity that we are delighted upon even if we do not do anything. Resting integrates us to who we really are: beloved sons and daughters of God just as who we are. That is our identity.

God gives rest to His loved ones. Psalm 127:2 NLT

 

When we rest, we integrate with our greatest calling in life. Sure, we are called in different areas. Some are called to be basketball player, performer, call center agent, pastor, name it. But when we drop everything that we do, our works are not who we are. Behind closed doors, when no one sees, when it is just you and your Father in Heaven, the greatest calling resonates. We are called to an intimacy with our Abba Father.

Jesus answered him, “‘Love the Lord your God with every passion of your heart, with all the energy of your being, and with every thought that is within you.’ This is the great and supreme commandment. Matthew 22:37-38 TPT

 

When we rest, we integrate with the one thing. The one thing David asked and the one thing that cannot be taken away from Mary is still the one thing for you and me. Our one thing is to rest in God’s presence, to enjoy the company of our God, to exchange gazes in a love-relationship with the Father. God is a beauty to behold!

One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4 NIV

 

God is not against work. God worked! And He still does. But the call to rest tells us that our works are never more important than who we are. We are lovers of the Most High. A person deeply in love is captivated by the beauty of the other and just desires to rest in his presence. Resting in God’s presence outweighs every ounce of good works we have ever done. Resting in His presence is enjoying God Himself. He is captivating, He is beautiful! Resting in His presence is a passionate love with Jesus.

The call to rest is God’s pursuit of a love-relationship with us.

 “Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31 NIV

 

Rest well, dear beloved!

 

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My Call to Rest

Bringing my lonely heart to Him regarding the situation of my arm (especially in this time of lockdown due to a pandemic wherein I felt I have so much time to create), I cried hearing Him say,

“Not one of the beautiful things that your right hand can produce means more to Me than just being with you. Pauline, you are more beautiful. And nothing is more beautiful than your presence.”

I matter more to Him than any of the best artworks I have done, sitting in front of my project and dedicating so much passion on it for hours. And when I devoted my time to Him – no activities, no guitar, no drawing, no writing, no social media and no communication with others – I felt very present with my heart and I felt Him very present with me. ‘Life‘ is more than productivity. ‘Life’ is having Him.

My calling to rest is to rest my arms from work so I could rest my weary soul and my identity in my God’s loving presence.